A Bit of Paradise

Here I am in a bit of paradise, yet I am hanging onto small things.  Sometimes, small things are out of your control and others, well, it’s a personal call…are they really out of our control or have we not tried hard enough?

I know I have talked about my personal struggle in finding the answers but how about you? Do you struggle too?  If so, what do you do to find that balance and when do you “freak out” about what is or isn’t in your control.

Time schedules are freaking me out, re-occurring fears of car accidents are freaking me out, getting done what I felt called to do during my “workation” is freaking me out, balancing my family, calling, & husband is freaking me out. How can I find the balance and not feel so uptight.

For instance, WIFI is not readily available where I am at and even though I want (& feel called to) write an article,  it hasn’t been easy.  This article has taken well over a week to complete. The delays….being that WIFI can only be attained in common areas where my two year old “spirited” child will make me a little crazy when she is “misbehaving”  doesn’t make it a good choice,  leaving the whole bunch unattended in the room (down the hall a ways) is only good until you hear someone yell at the other, late at night is not practical since I am getting up rather early (5a), not to mention “technical glitches, roaming fees & so on. I believe all these to be good reasons. However, am I looking for excuses not to do what I should be doing? I mean, really, who’s going to miss it if I don’t write an article for a month or two or a year?  Am I doing this simply to fulfill my personal desire? Or is this supposed to be, me being willing to listen even when the task at hand is difficult, hard to accomplish, filled with authentic reasons to stop, give up, or simply do it at “a more convenient time” for me?

When do we put our convenience on the “back burner” and trudge through those seemingly “inconvenient” task to accomplish what has been asked of us? I know I am failing at this, and yet I allow so many “small” things get in the way. If I see the error of my ways and don’t push myself to change, what can or should expect & accept from those around me…especially my children? Can I expect them to be better than me?

In faith I follow YOU, Lord, mold me to be the child YOU created. Help me to hear YOUR words, to accept change and let go of fear.  May my hands reach out to YOU with child like faith, seeking your guidance.  Fill my heart with Your love, that I may give it away as You give to us.

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