I have had a fit…a small fit….a fit of despair of sorts.
In my illness, there was much room for doubt, fear, confusion…an opening to be tempted and relent to the thoughts which satan slips into our mind. Questions, concerns, instability, wondering & wandering thoughts are were we get caught…it is far to simple to allow ourselves to feel unstable in our lives at the smallest difficulty.
At these times it is best to surround yourself with like minded friends that will help you be more aware of your situation but when that is not available…it is time to find a way to strengthen yourself. Although, it can prove hard, it is in difficulty that we are made stronger.
I found myself, feeling sorry and questioning my actions and who I am…and yes what have I accomplished vs what I have not. I was well aware of my mistakes, the many years that I have wasted…looking & waiting for answers but hardly ever going to after them. I feel as if a great part of my life has been used misused, then I remember that all the steps I have taken where meant to lead me here. For, God knows us, He knows where we are meant to be and when. Even now, as I finally feel that I am beginning to know how to listen, I am still feeling like I am not doing enough….not really listening and not moving fast enough….yet I know that God is aware…more so than myself…my pace… and what it will take to form me into who He made me to be.
I pray that you are finding ways to be stronger, that you are aware of when you are being tempted. Finding ways to “listen” and allow yourself time to be guided.
Holy Father, we seek You in our lives and lovingly await & welcome, You in our lives.