We hit the pinnacle of Christmas celebration, yet I feel a bit empty. I will admit that this year was a lot less hectic than others. I didn’t feel like I over did the gifts. Yet, I still felt overwhelmed, and in somewhat of a frenzy though I can’t really recall what exactly caused my “frenzy”.
My desire for this Christmas was to take it down a bit, making it more manageable, celebrate the reason for the season–Jesus. That was the main reason I began to write “Mary’s Journey”, yet the year was unexpectedly strange. My heart was pained in different ways that left me “up in the air”.
On Christmas Eve morning, I felt as if I had gotten Christmas to where I wanted it to be, but things slowly changed throughout the day causing havoc in the peace I was so trying to find. Things got out of hand (isn’t Christmas famous for this?). Along with overly excited children, half of them coming down with a cold or something, baking still needing to be done, dinner to get, and don’t forget Christmas brunch, last minute wrapping, etc… Somewhere the peace that Our Saviour was bringing got lost.
My biggest regret of Christmas–not being able to make mass. It really has taken a big toll on me. Granted this isn’t the first time that Christmas mass has been put on the back burner, my home is notorious for not making it a priority. Why is it so hard to make it to THE most special service? I know temptation gets extra points at my home during the Christmas celebration, and even though I know that God knows the CRAZY of my home and am sure HE understands, I still feel unjustified in my choice.
What can I say or do at this point? Can’t go to God with some made-up excuses, that would just be a different sin. At this point, all there is to say is… I will try harder next year. A thought…I guess… we truly find God when we find peace in our havoc?
Lord you know my love and my emptiness without YOU and I know YOU understand and forgive me. Please help me to do better next Christmas. I know with YOU at the helm, I will get to where I need to be and when I need to be there. Thank you for YOUR understanding and patience.